LET’S TALK ABOUT POST-GRADUATE DEPRESSION
I’ve not come into this with a plan or agenda on how I want to do this exactly, I just know that I’ve been toying with writing this post for a really long time, so that is what I am going to do. Write.
I want to address why I haven’t been super active on my blog and my social media for around eight months and I promise you it isn’t for better lack of trying! So, I’m going to start at the start of all of this, university. When I finished university last year I went back to working at my part-time job waitressing but full-time, it was great for a while. It was really close to my house so easy to walk there, I worked alongside some of my best friends and I was comfortable. After Christmas, I made the decision to really focus on going after my career goals and getting a job in the writing industry. This took a huge toll on me mentally. I really don’t think post-graduate depression is talked about enough but I can assure you that it is very, very real.
I knew that what I was feeling wasn’t okay so I started seeing a psychotherapist weekly
I struggled to find a job in the industry that would take me with little-to-no experience in commercial writing. I started second-guessing myself, questioning my degree choice, feeling like I wasn’t good enough and my anxiety was at an all-time high. From previous experience, I knew that what I was feeling wasn’t okay so I started seeing a psychotherapist weekly. This was when my blogging really got put on the back burner, I couldn’t sit around taking photos ‘for the gram’ when I didn’t even feel comfortable with myself.
Then in April, it happened,
I was so overwhelmed with having my first proper job and getting used to normal working hours that I didn’t rush back to my blogging. Just a couple of sporadic Instagram photos. It was tough balancing this new life with the old, like everything it did take time. I did attempt a couple of blog posts during this time, but they never made it out of the draft stage, either I wasn’t happy with the photography or I didn’t feel happy with the look.
Eventually, I got in the swing of things and really felt positive about the direction my life was taking, I went to Cape Verde in June. I booked to go to America and in September I bought a new car. Things were on the up, I was saving for buying a house and I was looking forward to what was to come.
This is when everything sort of fell apart. A week after I bought my car I was given the news that my department at work would be closing and I would be getting made redundant. Obviously, I had never been in this position and the uncertainty of everything was horrific. Straight away I began applying for new jobs, revamped my CV, contacted job agencies and taking online classes to expand my knowledge.
During this time, my grandparents were rather ill. With two out of four having dementia and one of them being in the hospital almost constantly since the beginning of the year, life was difficult. I am massively family-orientated and I didn’t want to miss out on being with them as I know how fortunate I am to still have all of my grandparents with me.
As I was working my redundancy, one of my close family members lost their battle with cancer.
I completed my notice and within a week of being unemployed I jetted off to America. My job searching had revealed some good opportunities and I had secured a few interviews. However, if I am honest I used that holiday as a distraction. I didn’t need to stress over finding a job right away as I was going on holiday, I didn’t need to worry about money as I had savings for my holiday, everything was delayed.
That is was leads me onto now.
It is so easy to get caught with life and think that you need everything together right away, but that just doesn’t happen.
Fresh back off holiday, with a new outlook and more new clothes and makeup than you could imagine. Now I am in the position where I have a bit of time on my hands and rather than being scared of this time, I need to make the most of it. I need to get back in the gym as the past two weeks I have been indulging in cocktails and happy hours, I want to complete my online courses broadening my education and I want to come back to blogging.
It is so easy to get caught with life and think that you need everything together right away, but that just doesn’t happen. Life will throw curve balls your way, Jesus, sometimes it feels like an automated ball machine but there will always be something on the horizon. It will seem tough but you need to remember that as quickly as bad things happen, there are good and exciting opportunities waiting to surprise you too.
Hopefully, this explains what has been going through my head recently. In a way, I think it has also been cathartic for me. I have no idea if this will actually get published or if it will just sit in my drafts as the many before but it’s done and I’m excited for the next chapter in my life.